It’s Spring Again
Fecundity is such a weird and cool word. It’s synonymous with fertility, the ability to produce abundance. These are perfect words to describe spring. The scents and sights are undeniable. I feel energized by the sunlight, the scent of mulch, and the sight of crocuses and delicate green grass. Spring generates excitement. There is so much sound…the birds’ songs, the hum of lawn mowers, balls bouncing, kids squealing. Everything feels new, and I want to reinvent myself.
This spring, I am working with intention in an effort to slow myself down, get out of habit mind, and actually feel and inhabit the life I am living. How? By seeking clarity: to look and observe, to listen and receive, and to feel and discern. I recently identified a pattern within me of closing off my senses. I’m a visual learner and thinker, so closing my eyes is second nature, but it closes me off from reality. I obviously can’t see when my eyes are closed. I’m limited to what’s inside me, and I’m not receptive to what’s around me. These perceptive habits interfere with me seeing things objectively.
I think I closed myself off a long time ago because I felt too open, a highly sensitive person. I took on everything around me, and my nervous system responded by limiting my field of vision as a way to protect myself. It’s interesting because now that I’m aware of this, I see how it has impacted other parts of my life. I think of myself as a slow processor, not the best at thinking on my feet, needing time to settle with events before responding. And now I understand that it happened within the context of my limited perception. It is really that simple: I can’t process what I can’t see! It amazes me that I arrived at this discovery after 46 years of life on this earth. This triggers shame and makes me feel stupid, like why am I figuring this out now? And then I recall my self-compassion practice, and I reframe. The truth is that I am infinitely capable of growth, that I can perceive more when I’m present, and that I’ve worked hard to arrive in a space where I recognize the ways I’ve learned to cope with life. I can’t change what I’m not aware of, and I have a choice once I notice something new. Do I like my way, or do I want to try something different? I am grateful to have the presence to work on this. It helps me embody myself, giving me a foundation of trust in myself. This is all a long way of expressing gratitude for the change of seasons and the inspiration I receive when I sync myself to what’s around me and work with the rhythm of the universe.
So my intention this spring is clarity. I wake up in the morning with this idea, and I come back to it throughout the day. It helps me stay present, and it reminds me to challenge my habits. Clarity requires perception, and I’m doing my best to stay open, observe, feel, and discern. When I feel repulsed by this idea, I know it’s time to journal and identify what is triggering the negative emotion, which yields more clarity. What does spring awaken in you?
