Unsatisfied
We made it through Pandemic Thanksgiving…and I find myself listening to “Unsatisfied” by The Replacements on repeat these days. I’ve spent the last I don’t even know how many months trying to put a positive spin on all of this horse shit, and I’m sick of it. I don’t want to spend any more holidays this way. I am ready to live my life, try new things, hug my family and friends, have a dance party, go to a concert, be in my house without my kids for one flipping hour!
I don’t know, you guys, I’m fresh out of positive takes on this situation. Don’t get me wrong, I am still grateful for so many things (I haven’t forgotten about what I wrote about one short week ago ;)), but this is getting old. What do I do now? Seriously?
Normally, I would double down on my personal goals, my self-improvement tactics. I would find focus and get to work. But right now I can’t find the motivation. It’s dark too early and the sense of dread about heading into an isolated winter is making me antsy. I’ve run 15 miles in the last three days, and I’m not a runner. I either have too much energy or too little. Trying to stay balanced feels like a full time job, and I am just not finding it right now.
I’m sharing all of this because it’s real. I know it’s a moment in time, it’s emotions swirling around inside and around me, and it won’t last forever. But it’s real. So I think about how I would talk to a friend, and anyone who knows me knows exactly what I would say: be gentle with yourself, find self-compassion, and consider meditating. And maybe stop listening to “Unsatisfied” on repeat.
I’m going to try to take my own advice. This year has been full of one dilemma after another, so much fear and frustration and ANXIETY. You guys, the anxiety is REAL. It is wedged in our tissues and muscles and joints. So many of the aches and pains you’re feeling are the remnants of stress, a lot of it from this year alone! We are taking in so much with very few ways to expel it in a way that feels good. No celebrations, no cheering at sporting events, no hearty laughter at gatherings with friends, no way of knowing when we will be able to look forward to the return of all of these things. It won’t always feel so heavy, but it’s OK to go there and really expose for yourself how hard and shitty this year has been.
Give yourself a hug, let yourself curl up in bed a little longer, savor your morning cup of coffee, and when you catch a glimpse of the sun, go outside and move your body. If you feel choked up, let yourself cry. This energy needs to be expressed!
