Sex Education
Anyone who knows me or has shared conversation with me recently knows that I am obsessed with Sex Education, a show on Netflix. I started watching it last year in an effort to educate myself so I could educate my kids. I had no idea what to expect…was it a documentary? No, it’s a comedy. Where does it take place? Somewhere in England, mostly at a high school. When in time does it occur? No idea! That’s one of the hardest things to determine, as the technology is modern (texting) but the fashion and the music are all over the place. Is it a family show? Who knows, really?! I didn’t intend for it to be a family show. I started watching by myself, and my youngest son kept sneaking up behind me as I watched it. I worried that it wasn’t appropriate, but I relaxed a little when he asked questions that led to interesting discussions. My teenage sons had zero interest in watching anything with me, but I asked them to watch on their own, and they did. We traded vague stories about our favorite characters and funny scenes without getting into the grit of the show…because the grit is SEX. And there is a lot of it.
The first episode of the show opens with sex, and it is jarring. And I believe it’s by design. I think the show aims to desensitize us to seeing sex and to normalize sex as a part of our lives. It is not pornographic. It is fumbling, awkward, weird and funny. It is a gift to all of us to be exposed to this content, where I can find NOWHERE else. I am not interested in keeping sex veiled in secrecy and thereby displacing my kids’ education to pornography. I want them to see real sex, to ask questions, to feel no shame, and to internalize it as normal and dare I say, fun. It is, after all, the reason we all exist!
It has bothered me for many years that my sons are comfortable executing someone in a video game but uncomfortable watching people kiss. It is my sincere hope that my sons never murder anyone and that they do have as much sex as they desire. After reading Peggy Orrenstein’s book Boys and Sex, I learned that the average age of a boy’s exposure to pornography is 11. Read that again. I have also read that PARENTS are the primary sex educators for their children. Did you know this was part of your job description? I didn’t. I also had zero sex education as a pupil beyond the abstinence curriculum of my Catholic education. I was not equipped to be a sex education teacher, but that has changed as I’ve watched this show. It has helped me grow in comfort with my own sexuality and to reduce shame I’ve internalized over the years.
We can’t expect our kids to have healthy relationships when they don’t know how, and we especially can’t expect it when they learn from Porn Hub and their friends, without any safe space to ask questions and explore. I am sickened by the thought of sexual assault and what people endure from others who are miseducated, supercharged with hormones, and lack boundaries and discernment. It is our responsibility to give voice to the presence of sex in our lives and to open a dialogue where we can normalize it. We need to create the safe space for exploration and questions. If you feel squeamish about this, I beg you to go to Porn Hub and take a look at what your kids are seeing.
I invite you to continue this discussion with me, and I’m happy to share the resources I’ve found helpful. I have a long way to go, and my kids are embarrassed by my passion about this topic, but I am committed to it, and I hope you’ll join me.
