Waves
What does it feel like to trust yourself? My body communicates safety through sensation. I hear messages when I am doing energy work. The silence makes it easier to listen to spirit. I download during dreamtime and meditation, too. Guidance emerges from deep within me, and it feels so good to trust it. It’s familiar, grounded, and calm, yet when my mind awakens to its presence, it can feel a little jarring because it’s a lot to take in. There is a sensory aspect, a spirit aspect, and there’s a pretty big ego aspect.
We are always taking in information around us, through our touch, taste, smell, hearing, and seeing senses. Our vestibular and proprioceptive systems work with these senses to further inform us, and our clair senses round out our perceptive toolkit. Stillness is the gateway to accessing this toolkit, and stillness doesn’t have to mean seated meditation in lotus pose. Stillness is simply a state of intentional rest, a pause, allowing your senses to do what they do long enough for your mind to slow down and listen. Our ego doesn’t like stillness, as it sends us into a state of questioning and doubt. The ego likes action and certainty, so it’s easy to avoid stillness when living in our minds.
After a long pattern of wrestling with my mind, I began a practice of intentional rest that has morphed and deepened over the past few years. My entire being enthusiastically responded once I surrendered to it. Now I experience volume, colors, shapes, textures, and an abundance of expansiveness. Visceral joy bursts my heart, my barefeet in the grass plug me into Earth. I’m overwhelmed yet energized, pulsing with creative possibilities. It feels amazing! It feeds itself and builds this momentum of gratitude and openness to opportunities.
But it doesn’t last.
I feel devastation and failure, and I turn on myself for letting it happen, for getting it right, then losing it. And this feeds itself and builds the momentum of dread, fear and disgust.
This is the human condition…waves of ups and downs that we surf together. We build waves with our thoughts and feelings, and we ride them every day of our lives. For a long time, I believed that my life was a mountain. I hoped that eventually I would make it to the summit where I could rest, knowing that I’d finally figured out everything. I wish it were this way because it sounds a lot easier to me, and I could try to fast track my way to enlightenment. But I know the truth is that life in this earth school is hard, that we have highs and lows, and that the only thing I can control is the way I choose to ride these waves. I can choose to live with integrity, to refrain from judgement, to express gratitude, to not take things personally, and to forgive. I can choose to accept people where they are, including myself, and I can choose to focus on being whole. To me, being whole means finding a balance between action and stillness, finding meaning in the present moment, and allowing my emotions to live and express themselves. It means that I take notice when I’m riding high, making sure to enjoy that part of the journey. And I also must recognize the lows, which aren’t enjoyable but do give perspective. The lows remind me of how good the highs feel, that suffering exists, that I can endure it, and that I’m not alone. Learning these lessons builds an engaging life. My guides have been telling me to let the feelings flow, and I am listening, imagining fluid movement to unlock the pain within me, opening myself up for new channels of emotion and healing. My mind doesn’t like this, but my whole being benefits, and that’s evidence my mind can’t debate. You lose today, EGO!
I hope that you can give yourself the grace to be still, to adjust expectations when things are hard, and to enjoy yourself when things are easy. I hope that you can acknowledge all of the parts of yourself, the light and the dark, that make you whole. Seeing these parts helps you connect to yourself and everything around you. The more connected you feel, the more presence you experience. Your sensory perception expands, along with gratitude and abundance. Your self-trust and resilience build as you consciously ride the waves of your life.
